Silent Hill: A Day In The Life of A Red Pyramid
by Dogs Bower
Summary: It's not easy, but somebody has to keep hapless tortured souls in line.
1. Chapter 1

**Silent Hill: A Day In The Life of A Red Pyramid**

Slogging down the blood and rust covered dank musty and otherwordly otherworld a lone resident of the cruel and unnatural demonic world pondered over his miserable life for a few precious lucid seconds. How very droll. He stared down at the fetid and stinking pieces of mutilated flesh at his thick rubber galosh covered feet and let out a sigh of pure longing. It wasn't so much a sigh as a deep gurgling noise, but it did the job to make the non-existent audience feel some slight twinge of sympathy for the humanoid beast.

It was hard being a Pyramid Head.

To live a life forever controlled always by the delicious luring screams of the dying and convicted, and the welcoming warmth of a nubile and helpless sack of flesh just ripe for the taking.

Raping was always fun. He liked the raping.

The Great Pyramid Head, scourge of Silent Hill's hills, even though it was not a place where many hills were found, nor was it especially silent, what with all the rape, murder, and general mind fucking going on 24/7, trudged along the gritty path of what seemed to be some kind of dungeon place filled with two feet of water just to make it more annoying to have to walk through, searching his blackened soul for a sliver of regret. He found none. Also, he heard frantic and agitated complaining which drew his interest instantly, and he began to slosh toward the sounds.

"Son of a bitch! I don't understand why this hell hole has so many cryptic puzzles littering it. I can't just hop over a gate or kick open a door, no, I need some thousand year old key left in the mouth of a decaying fat woman's headless body to get through, all while aborted children's living zombie fetuses chew at my ankles. I'll never drink again, I swear! Just let me out of here!"

The cry came from a rather studly young man, clean shaven and well fit, dressed in a plain jacket and tee shirt, blue jeans, and worn sneakers. Obviously not a rich man but not a poor man either. He was carrying a long metal pipe in one hand and a large rusted key of ancient origin in the other. The man struggled to clean the goop out from the iron gate lock so that he might use his new found key item to open the locked lock that was preventing him from gaining access to yet another screen filled with even more ridiculous puzzles and harder enemies. But of course the young lad did not know this. He didn't have the strategy guide because he bought this game years after it was released, finding it on sale used, and by then the guides were well out of print. Good luck finding that shit on eBay either.

Clogs cleared, the man shoved the decrepit key into the lock and turned with all his might only to have it break.

"No! No, that's not fair!" yelled the man to the perpetually blackened heavens. His hands pounded against the bars, making an even louder ruckus. "Open this gate! Please, open this gate!" But sadly, the pained cries were heard by no one, he realized, for he was all alone in this terrible world within a world. Or was he?

Scrape. Scrape. Scraaaaaaaape.

Dramatically, though slowly, and with a long pan-zoom, the Great Pyramid Head appeared out of the darkness, heading for the man steadily, the equally great knife, the weapon of choice for the beloved creature producing a sickening whine against the ground on which it scraped.

"Who-who are you?" the man stammered, backing away slightly. His clammy hand clutched tightly to his equipped weapon, it being the only item in his arsenal that would not easily break nor consume ammo, which was fucking hard to find in this place. It was hard mode. But he didn't want it to be. He wanted it to be easy. His brother kept calling him a pussy about it.

The Great Pyramid Head of course said nothing, lacking the ability to speak in this particular work of fiction, and canonically, I'd assume, but I'm not 100% knowledgeable about this game. He continued to approach the panicked man who had smartly grasped the logic that he and his pipe were not going to be a match for the giant fellow, so he ran around in circles looking for some kind of way to defeat the thing without having to fight it.

Thus was the key to winning the even, as he located a large lever which he saw controlled the trap door above a sinister looking fire filled hell-pit decorating the middle most part of the room. All he had to do was get to the switch and throw it as the beastly creature walked over. With the clock ticking down his course of action, he made his move and fled for the handle. But LO, before he could reach his iron rod savior, he saw that one of the chains connected to the level which connected to the trap door mechanism was BROKEN. Oh, cruel irony. And so this was actually not a pre-boss fight that could be passed up. Whimpering, the man turned back to see the vile creature striding across the pit.

"Oh God," the man spoke, voice rattled with foreboding and fright.

OH GOODNESS I DIDN'T FINISH THIS IN ONE CHAPTER SO YOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL PART 2!


	2. Chapter 2

**Silent Hill: A Day In The Life of A Red Pyramid: part 2****  
**

Our hero was beginning to feel the wrath of darkness closing in on him when his back hit the rusty covered wall. The Great Pyramid Head, master of judgement and embodiment of some perverse and twisted sexual torture of the human mind and some really weird Japanese people, came ever closer.

Closer, closer. Closer still!

The foul creature's shiny boots were right up next to the cowering young OC and the man let out a howl of fright which sounded more like a terrified scream from a youthful child but there was really nobody here to care now was there? And the Pyramid man raised up his large hand. And produced a wallet.

"Did you drop this, my good sir?"

And the young man paused, eyes wide and curious and then looked calm once again.

"Oh, oh yeah. That's my wallet. Thank you," he said and reclaimed his missing item.

"No problem."

"You know, for a minute there I thought I was going to be killed or raped or something," laughed the man.

"Yeah, me too."

responded the scary Pyramid Head voice with a deep chuckle.

And then the two went on their merry ways.

**Climactic Letdown.**


End file.
